When I first began to dip my toes into the waters of “woo-woo,” I was waaaayyy more skeptical than I was open-minded. Sure, it sounded awesome that I had the power to do/be/have anything and everything I wanted, but, well, I wasn’t totally buying into …
Temperatures are finally dropping, the leaves have begun to change color, Christmas stockings are starting to be hung, and parties (umm, zoom calls…?) are filling up our increasingly busy calendars — yep, it must be *that* time of year: the holidays, or as many like …
“Why can’t I just find the right person?”
“Why is it so hard to find love?”
“Where the hell can you find a great guy these days?”
How many times have you heard some iteration of these questions, whether it’s from a friend, stranger, on some sort of screen, or even yourself?
I’m gonna go ahead and answer for most, if not all, of us: we’ve heard it time and time again. And, if we’re being guilty, most of us are guilty of saying it (or at the very least — thinking it) ourselves.
The Universe (and probably any person who has read any number of my posts) knows I am GUILTY. AS. CHARGED. I asked *all* of these questions, over and over again, usually after every faux-lationship, fling, and relationship gone awry.
I always thought “this is it!” when, in reality, it was totally NOT it and I was NOT getting the Hallmark ending I truly wanted. My ending was something more along the lines of The Bachelorette or, more appropriately, Jersey Shore. In sports-friendly terms, I was nowhere near batting a thousand. I was missing the mark.
I *thought* I knew what I wanted. I put myself out there (kind of). I dated different kinds of guys (also kind of). I continued to try again, despite overwhelming evidence suggesting I should just throw in the towel for a few years and focus on something else.
There’s no denying modern dating and the quest for that ever-sought-after epic kind of love isn’t remotely easy. If it was easy, I’m pretty sure there wouldn’t be a new dating app popping up every five seconds promising true love within X number of swipes.
Unfortunately, you can’t locate the epic love you’re looking for on Google Maps like you can a gas station or grocery store. Love isn’t something you just find.
Epic love is something you attract.
If you’re not new here, I’ve already written about how you *are* who you attract (linked here.)
Beyond the basis of the law of vibration — in other words, you’re attracting someone who is a vibrational equivalent/match to you — attracting love is literally just that: *attracting* what you want (and need) into your reality.
Movies on television and the silver screen alike adopt this “finding” love mentality: boy bumps into girl at the grocery store, girl runs into future love at work, sister introduces sister to someone and, boom, they’re engaged three months later (even though they hated each other at first).
Alas, here we are at the local Starbucks with nothing but soccer moms standing in line because everyone else is at the drive through.
This isn’t about luck or chance, although, I’m sure some will argue it was totally chance that brought them together — but what if it was meant to be, in one way or another?
When I think about it that way, why do some people meet by chance and others simply aren’t so lucky? We all know the saying, “life isn’t fair,” but in all honesty, do we want to live by the notion that some people are lucky in love and others just… aren’t? Or do we want to live by the idea we have love within us and once that love is realized, we can attract the love we both want, need, and DESERVE into our reality?
As someone who switched from opinion A to B, I can say — without a doubt — the grass is much greener on this side.
You are who you attract. Do you fully believe that you are wholly deserving of epic love, knowing this person is on their way to you?
I know — life, especially in 2020, isn’t full of rainbows and butterflies. Most of us are exhausted, frustrated, and not exactly livin’ the dream. We don’t and can’t possibly always have a great, or even remotely good, day every day.
But there IS something good in every day, and it’s important to learn to look inside of ourselves for what we need before we go lookin’ for it elsewhere. When you find it in yourself, you’ll realize YOU are all you needed all along… and then you might be surprised how the Universe responds to such a discovery.
If you are LOVE, and you are who you attract — what do you have to lose?
When most people hear the word ‘intimate,’ they often consider it to be synonymous with physical intimacy — or, in other words, sex. Sex has been and will continue to be a large component of all kinds of relationships. There’s no denying that physical intimacy …
Many years ago, I came across a book that wasn’t in my typical realm of go-to titles. Something inside of me felt compelled to buy it, and wouldn’t you know — it ended up being one hell of a read. The book was all about …
It’s a tale as old as time: boy meets girl. boy and girl fall in
love lust. girl wants something more. boy doesn’t. boy breaks girl’s heart. girl keeps coming back for more, hoping boy will change his mind. boy doesn’t change his mind, but also doesn’t mind her coming back for more.
If only the movies we watched growing up, or even the abundance of romantic Christmas movies on Netflix, Lifetime, and the Hallmark Channel had plots remotely similar to the reality of modern dating. (Damn you, Nicholas Sparks!)
So, what is the reality of modern dating? Happy endings don’t happen all the time, and sometimes the person who breaks our heart will stay in our lives until, well, we stop letting them in.
These days, we don’t get an ending with the guy outside holding a stereo, or some other grandiose gesture to make things right after screwing up big time. What we do get is a cell phone without any new messages, and videos of him on IG stories with another girl at brunch, flirting and acting like nothing happened in the first place. Naturally, if/when he reaches out, we’ll meet him in hopes of something more.
I don’t know about you, but I’m V. guilty as charged.
Most, if not all, of us have encountered a person we just couldn’t shake. Someone who broke our heart, and yet we can’t seem to get over him. We can’t fully move on, mostly because we would go back to him in a heartbeat if, you know, we got the Hallmark movie ending. Unfortunately for us, there’s a reason it’s a movie and not a reality show.
I’m not saying we can’t ever give someone a second chance, but I am saying that we need to step into our own power and love ourselves enough to believe we deserve better — and then act accordingly.
I realize this is, often times, much easier said than done.
Think about it: can you think of a friend who can’t seem to get over someone who broke her heart, or simply didn’t treat her right? One day, she’s crying and hating him, and then two weeks later, she’s out with him on Taco Tuesday slinging back shots of tequila. Then, inevitably, she’s in tears again because, you guessed it, he didn’t treat her well (yet again).
Of course, the details could change here and there, but I’m pretty sure we can all think of someone who’s guilty of going back to the person she swore up and down she was never going to give another chance.
Can you think of how you might be guilty of this… yourself?
It’s so easy to see on the outside looking in, but when you’re caught in it yourself, things suddenly aren’t so crystal clear.
This can be for a wide variety of reasons (especially if the other party is super manipulative), but it boils down to this: you need to believe that you deserve better than what you are getting. And then act accordingly (i.e. don’t let him back into your life, and move onto someone who actually deserves the amazing goddess that you are).
No one, not a single soul, deserves to have their heart played like a tambourine. No one deserves to have someone be hot and cold with their emotions. No one deserves to feel like someone’s plan B.
When you’re nursing a broken heart or are feeling lonely, it can be easy to step into old habits or be inclined to give someone who you loved another chance. Don’t be easily fooled into sabotaging your love life by accepting anything less than amazing. This is the time to remind yourself of what you deserve.
The person, the relationship, and the love you deserve is out there. Your own Hallmark-movie ending does exist, as long as you believe it does.
The only way to step into the future is to (truly) let go of the past.
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Whether you’ve been married for 28 years or are meeting the (*hopefully* in real life) hottie from Hinge for the first time, there’s no question that both parties involved are hoping for a spectacular date. If we’re all being totally honest, no one wants to …
The one thing anyone who is single can count on when the clock strikes midnight on November 1st (along with Mariah Carey and Michael Bublé inevitably coming out of their caves donned in mistletoe and Santa hats) is the unmistakable dread you’ll have during the next two months. You know, the “happiest” time of the year filled with work Holiday parties, family dinners and various get togethers, and the endless questions about your dating life. While the Holidays might look different for you this year, I’m pretty sure the questions about your current status probably won’t.
(PSA: Boundaries are V. V. V. important this time of year, regardless of your relationship status).
While our parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and even well-meaning engaged/married friends and co-workers don’t necessarily mean harm by their comments, it can make even the most extroverted human want to miss out on a party just because he or she can’t stand the idea of one-more-question about “Jack from Tinder” or “Sarah from Hinge.” It’s especially annoying when it comes from someone who has zero idea which direction to swipe on said apps and/or met their ‘person’ before the age of 26.
Who can relate?
Many people advise to avoid the topic of politics during large gatherings. While I tend to agree, I’d also like to include the topic of anything that has to do with someone’s personal and/or love life. If someone wants to talk about their love life, I assure you, that person *will* talk to you about it.
For the most part, I did a decent job of avoiding these types of conversations because, well, I avoided holidays altogether. I realize everyone doesn’t prefer to go this route (or can’t), and you can’t exactly tell your Aunt Shirley or Nana to take a hike when they not-so-casually mention their friend’s daughter who just got engaged to a Serbian millionaire after eight weeks of dating.
Although I did a great job in avoiding the holidays, I couldn’t escape the passive aggressive comments about my relationships.
“Oh, you’re seeing *another* guy?”
“Wow, it didn’t work out with _________? He seemed like such a great guy.”
“You really get around, don’t you?”
“So, how’s it going with __________?” (Oh, nothing, he just ghosted me after 10 dates and I have no idea why!!!! TYSM for asking!!!!!)
Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ll ever get to a place where it becomes normalized to *not* ask these types of questions or make similar comments to people who are single. Even though it’s not normally coming from a bad place, it still really f*cking sucks to know it’s going to happen, and will typically get increasingly worse during the holiday season. It doesn’t make it any better when there’s no bad intent.
Since we often can’t avoid these types of situations altogether, we can either
a) set a firm boundary, or
b) turn it into a game seeing how many times it happens in one night, take a sip of your preferred beverage every time it occurs, and politely remind said human that you are on your own unique path, which looks V. different from anyone else because, you guessed it, it’s YOURS.
I’ve already written about timelines and expectations, particularly when it comes to love (you can find that here), along with the pressures of modern dating (found here). Feel free to bookmark and send the person directly to these posts, and maybe it will open their eyes to modern dating as it exists today.
The most important person to understand this, however, is YOU. While it would be lovely for your parents, family, friends, or whoever to leave you alone and give you a break about your relationship status, it shouldn’t be more important than your own opinion.
Your relationship status does not, and will never, define you. You define you. You’re still you, regardless of a ring on your finger or date to a Christmas party (pre-COVID, I guess? IDK what’s gonna happen in 2020).
The pressure I put on myself was much worse than any of the unintendedly hurtful comments I received. I thought being single when all of my friends were engaged or married meant that something was wrong with me. This thought simply was not true – I was just on a different path, and so are you.
While we all might not be celebrating in similar fashion this year, remind yourself of two important things: it’s never too late (or early) to set a boundary, and you are ALWAYS on the right path.
Over the years, I have cut many people out of my life — and, as a result, have been fiercely judged for it. I’ve also set boundaries with people who weren’t so excited about the metaphorical line in the sand. What I now realize what …